Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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