what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
