i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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