VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
