don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
