i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
