At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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