after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
