So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
