Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
