hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
