well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ugly people sure do ruin things
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
