All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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