i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I love black thongs
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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