He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
