laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
