A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
