she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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