I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
