mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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