First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize