Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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