Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
