The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
