you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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