The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
