So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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