Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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