Got a toothbrush?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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