You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you would pick up someone in the library
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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