I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
