Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
