OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
