11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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