Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
