I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
