Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize