Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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