Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
