I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
