I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
