ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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