As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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