DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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