he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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