I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
