Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize