dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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