Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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