Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
