I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
