Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My vagina is very pro this idea
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
