Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
