John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
