Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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