She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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