Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
