I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
