Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
