I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
