But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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