Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
