This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
