The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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