we have officially lost it.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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