im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
