I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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