If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
