At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
