Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
