Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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