god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just had sex bonerless
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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